Lazy Sunday

We were extremely lazy today.  It was a beautiful day outside, but I am sad to say I did not even go outside.  The last few nights, Austin has not been to bed before 1 am or 1:30 am.  Then he is up at 6 am and making noises around 3 or 4 am.  I guess it hit me today, as I took an hour and a half nap while he slept for 3 hours! 

He and I had some good times reading some books on the couch.

I am trying to get Austin used to taking a bottle.  Allen had some good quality time with him today.

Daddy goes back to work

The day came where Allen had to go back to work!  That was the same day it rained all day, and we had tornado and thunderstorm warnings.  That made for some interesting times-trying to figure out how to take the dog out (since our yard was a complete muddy mess).  We ended up doing fine!  We do miss Allen though!

I did not plan ahead, so I was home without dog treats, ice cream, and Diet Dr. Pepper-three staples in our house.  Yesterday, I ventured out to two consignment sales and the grocery store with Austin.  That was only the second time I have taken him to the store with me-it was quite comical.  He started crying the minute I left the produce section, so I was literally running through the store getting my items.  I was turning corners so fast , items were flying off the bottom of my cart.  He was really wailing when I got to the check out, and of course, I get some teenage girl, who is in no hurry to check me out.  She just stared at me and at Austin and asked me if I was in a hurry?  "Um, yeah, you could say that, my baby is hungry".  She says, "Did you not bring his bottle?".  I reply, "Nope, no bottle.  We'll be home soon".  I am thinking to myself-how productive would a grocery trip be if I am feeding a baby a bottle.  Not to mention the fact that I am breastfeeding him.  Not that he doesn't have bottles, but no bottle was prepared for a trip to the store.  She ends the conversation with "Hope you live close".  Then, this nice young man helps me to the car with my groceries while moving at a snails pace.  Obviously these two do not have children or else are completely immune to the cries of a hungry baby.  To top it off, as I am pulling into the garage, there are three men outside the front of my house soliciting for landscaping work.  I must have shot the guy who approached me some horrible look because he kept his distance-Austin was screaming, Annabelle was barking and scratching the door, and I had ice cream in the car!  What a day!  I think going back to work will be less stressful.

Here are some new pictures of Austin:

Austin and I went to his cousin Olivia's play at her school the other night, and he wore his fire truck shirt-just so happens there was a fire truck song in the play.  He did great-we sat on the front row, and he just loved listening to the music and hearing the singing.

Here is his first UK t-shirt courtesy of my friend Wendy!  I think he looks pretty cute!

I tried to get him to sit in his cousin's swing and see how he did.  The look on his face is priceless.  He was not really that into it.

Here is his cute smiley face when you say something to him to get him to smile:

Hanging Around

With Austin's random napping schedule, we do not leave the house much right now.  Plus the fact that I go back to work in 16 days, so I am enjoying every moment of being with him while I can.  Here are some updated pictures of what Austin does during the day.  He usually wakes up really happy in the mornings and is all smiles!  

He loves his activity mat, although he does not look that happy in this picture.  He stares in amazement at the star on the top of this mat.  We try to come up with little conversations he has with the birds, bugs, and Star on this mat.

Here is another morning picture!

Here is another Allen took while I was at the grocery store one day!

Thank goodness for the Miracle Blanket he is wearing on the picture above.  It has ensured he takes long naps and sleeps through the night these past 4 weeks.  He is starting to get out of it sometimes, so I am going to have to figure out what to do once he outgrows this wonderful blanket.

Some new pictures of Austin!  I am going to try and post a picture of him today.  Forgive this post-I am using Allen's Mac, and I am not good with it and don't know how to move pictures around on the blog.  I have been taking a picture of Austin every week to see how much he grows.  If I can figure out how to do it, I'll post them all from week 3 (when I started).  He has grown so much!

Mom, Austin, and I went to Lexington, KY this weekend to my friend Wendy's baby shower for her baby Caroline due in April.  Can't wait to meet her.  Austin did great traveling!  He slept 8.5 hours in the hotel that night!  Austin was great at the shower, too-he didn't steal Caroline's show too much.  We had a great weekend spending time with Wendy and Chris.  It was nice to get away even if it was only for a night!

Meeting with Jackson's Doctors

People ask us all the time how we are doing.  We really don’t know how to answer that question.  Some days we are doing well.  Other days, we are not. We still have not taken down Jackson’s crib.  I think we are getting closer to being able to take it down-I am trying to think of ways to rearrange the room to make it Austin’s room and not have such a gaping hole where Jackson’s crib is.  People have told me not to get rid of anything that was Jackson’s-that I will regret it. 

I was finally ready last weekend to start packing up some of his things.  My family was sweet enough to pack up everything in his room in the PICU the night he died.  Last weekend, I sat down by myself and went through everything in that box and packed it up.  The blanket that was wrapped around him when he died was in the top of the box.  There were half full shampoo and lotion bottles, blankets, washcloths he had used, socks he had worn, and a little arm brace they had used to hold his arm straight for his IV.  All little pieces of him.  It made me sad to pack it all up into 2 boxes to go under a bed.  We miss him every day.  The nurses made us a memory book of Jackson-complete with a lock of his hair and hand and feet prints. 

We met with some of the doctors this week to go over the results of Jackson’s autopsy.  We decided to do a limited autopsy of his lungs, liver, and heart.  The pathologist found everything with the heart to be intact and working well.  At some point, they thought the shunt the surgeon has put in was kinked.  The pathologist surprised us with her findings.  It seems our sweet little angel who looked perfect on the outside was more imperfect on the inside then we first knew.  His liver was green when they did the autopsy.  He had biliary atresia- a blockage in the tubes (ducts) that carry a liquid called bile from the liver to the gallbladder.  This was present at birth, just undiagnosed.  Through ultrasound, the liver appeared normal.  Jackson appeared very jaundiced days after surgery.  The doctors never knew exactly why.  At the end of his life, the doctors were considering doing some tests on his liver, but since his kidneys were shutting down, they refrained.  The pathologist said there were procedures that could have been done to “band aid” the problems with the liver, but ultimately, Jackson would have required a liver transplant.  More than likely, with all of his other health issues, he would not have been considered a candidate for a liver transplant.  Jackson’s lungs were also not fully matured.  The boys were full term for twins-37 weeks, and throughout everything, it appeared that his lungs were in great shape.  They were even talking about weaning him off the ventilator right before he started going down hill.  I am no medical expert-but the pathologist showed us a picture of Jackson’s lungs, and she explained that the parts of the lung that should be big and narrow were small and thick-not allowing good flow of air.  There was also some blood in the lungs.  She even mentioned that he might have needed a lung transplant had this problem not corrected itself over time.  All this being said, Jackson would have had a very rough road ahead of him.  He would have been in and out of the hospital, constantly seeing doctors and taking medication, and his quality of life would have been poor. Who knows how long he would have lasted.  This news all made me very sad-sad to think that he was as sick as he was.  Sad to think of everything he went through for his 39 days of life.  Sad to think of how safe and secure he was in the womb only to come out and struggle the minute he came into this world.  I know he is in a better place now-with a perfect heart, perfect lungs, and a perfect liver.  I know God is taking good care of our little angel. 

On another note, the producers from TLC sent us a DVD of the footage they shot of Jackson.  It is amazing to have the memories they captured-lots of them I had forgotten from either still be drugged from the C Section or just sleep deprived.  They caught moments of time of him that are amazing.  He was such a beautiful baby.  He had lots of blond hair and sweet skin.  They even filmed him when he opened his eyes and looked at me-I didn’t remember that at all.  They have footage of the ONLY time we ever heard Jackson crying-right when he was born.  He was immediately intubated and never cried aloud after that moment.  They captured the first time I saw him after birth-the boys were born at 2:21 pm and 2:22 pm, and I didn’t get to go see Jackson until about 11 pm that night.  They have footage of Austin in the NICU that I never got to see, as well.  It was so awesome to see our parents’ reaction of the boys’ birth, too.  They were all so excited.  Most of the footage is birth or Jackson in the NICU.  There is limited footage of Jackson in the PICU, but we are ok with that.  Our Jackson is the baby that was in the NICU.  After his surgery, he was so swollen and unresponsive that we like to remember him the way he was in the NICU.  We are forever grateful for the kind, thoughtful people at TLC. All the camera crew, producers, and even the people in New York were so respectful.  Since Jackson went to Heaven, the show will not air, as they told us, America only wants to see happy endings.  We are thankful for the time they got to spend with our little angel and the memories they captured for our family. 

What is new with Austin

Allen and I thank God every day for the blessing he has given us in Austin.  He is such a sweet baby.  He is starting to really show his personality.  My favorite part of the day is going into his room in the morning and seeing him giggle and move around so excited to see me.  His giggles just melt my heart.  He LOVES his activity mat that we borrowed from some friends.  He, Annabelle, and I have started taking daily walks since the weather has been so nice.  He doesn’t seem to mind his car seat too much.  He loves being held and being talked to.  Oh-and ceiling fans!  He is starting to tolerate his bouncy seat and his swing for short periods of time.  I have really enjoyed being home with him the last few weeks.  Some days we do not even leave home! 

He has started sleeping through the night!  Once I discovered the Miracle Blanket, he started sleeping through the night and enjoying naps in his cribs!  He must be going through a growth spurt because lately all he does is sleep and eat!  He rolled over at about 6 weeks, but he has not done it since then.  He is trying to-it will be any day!! 

He and Annabelle are getting along well-well, they tolerate each other.   Most of the time, she ignores Austin.  When she wants attention, she will get in his face or get closer to him then we prefer.  When she wants someone to pet her, she will put her nose underneath their hand until they pet her.  She started doing that to Austin tonight!  She loves to lick his face-I cannot say that he likes it that much!  I am hoping once he gets older they will really start to like each other and play together.  She is very protective of him when people approach us on our walks or come to our door. 

Last time we went to the doctor-2 weeks ago for a hearing test (he has failed his hearing test in the hospital, and his pediatrician wanted to recheck it).  Austin weighed 13 pounds and was 22.5 inches long!  She was pleased with his progress.  He played with a toy on the examination table for quite some time while we talked to the doctor.  He is such a good baby.  We go back again for his 4 month checkup in 2 weeks.  I can’t believe he will be 3 months tomorrow!  He is really growing up fast!

Additions to Heaven

It has been a few weeks since I last posted.  A lot has happened.  The day after I posted about Austin and I visiting my grandmother, she went downhill quickly.  It was as if she waited to meet Austin and hold him before going to Heaven.  Mom, Austin, and I had a great visit that Saturday, so we were so surprised when Dad went to visit on Sunday and said she was in bed and not doing well.  The nursing home thought she had a stroke, so they sent her to St. Thomas.  When my brother and I arrived, she looked really pale, but she was talking to us telling me how happy she was she met Austin, how glad she was to see my brother's children earlier that day, etc.  They transfered her to a regular room from the ER.  When we went in the room, we all knew it wouldn't be long before she went to Heaven.  She told me she was not in pain, and that she was worn out.  She held our hands and squeezed them.  The nurses made sure she was comfortable, and the chaplain came in and said a prayer for her.  It was starting to snow outside, and the roads were getting really bad.  Austin was at home with our night nanny.  The nurses told us that she could last 20 minutes or 2 weeks.  No one knew.  Her breathing started getting very shallow, and it seemed like the time was near.  It was about 2 am, and we were all deciding what to do.  After awhile, we all decided that it was best for some of us to go home.  I am sleep deprived as it is with Austin, and it would be a long few days with my grandmother.  My mom stayed with my grandmother, as she always has-my mother has always been so devoted to taking care of my grandmother.  I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her I loved her.  We had hardly even pulled out of the parking lot, when my mom called to tell me that she was passed away.  Mom told Grandma to go on and go to Heaven-that Jackson was waiting on her.  Mom said shortly after she told her to go, Grandma peacefully took her last breath.  It was as if she was waiting for all of us to leave.  She did not want me to be there and see her take her last breath so soon after seeing Jackson take his.  I miss her so much. 

We headed to New Albany, Indiana for her funeral the next weekend.  Austin's first road trip!  He did great on the car ride up there.  He did not do so well sleeping in the hotel room.  It was a rough night for all three of us.  The funeral was the next day at the local funeral home.  We have a wonderful friend, who took great care of Grandma.  She looked beautiful in the dress she wore to her 90th birthday party.  Her makeup was beautiful-she would have been so glad.  Her hair looked great, too-she was always so worried about her hair.  Mom even made sure she had hose on to keep her warm.  She always wore knee high hose, which she said kept her warm.  Personally, hose have never offered any warmth to me.  We had a nice service, with an extra special homily given by my dad.  He talked about the importance of family and how much he appreciated everything his mom did for her.  She would have been so proud of him. 

We headed to Birmingham the next day to stay for the night.  We went over to Allen's sister's house for dinner.  It was great to spend some time with family.  Our nieces, Julianne and Rachel, were a huge help with Austin.   We went to Perdido Key to visit Allen’s parents for a few days before we headed to Destin with my parents.  It was just the trip we needed-to get away from everything here.  We had a great two weeks away from life in Nashville.