7 Week Check Up

Austin had his 7 week check up at the doctor last Friday.  He did very well!  He now weighs 10 pounds 5 ounces and measures 22 inches long.  He showed the doctor how he can hold his head up so well.  At the end, he had 2 shots, and he did great with them.  He cried at first and stuck his lip out, but once I picked him up, he was fine.  It was wonderful being able to pick him up and comfort him since I never could do that with Jackson.  All my friends warned me that I would cry more than he would.  After all we went through with Jackson-ventilators, IV's, chest tubes, an open chest, etc., two little shots in the leg didn't seem so bad.  I did tear up though.  No one likes to see their child in pain.  I was worried how the shots would affect him, but he just slept more than usual the rest of the day. 

We have the absolute best pediatrician ever.  She has become a part of our family.  She is definitely a gift from God.  She was there for us before the boys were born-already being supportive.  She came to the hospital to visit Jackson about as often as we did.  She even kept up with his care daily through the computer.  It was so comforting to be able to ask her to explain things the doctors told us.  When the doctors came to us to start thinking about withdrawing care for Jackson, she was the second person I thought to call besides family.  The first was the priest from our church.  I wanted the pediatrician there to guide us in our decision.  She dropped everything and came right over and stayed 6 hours at the hospital with us.  She even held the bowl of water for Jackson's baptism.  The next day, she rearranged her patient schedule with only 15 minutes notice to attend what would be the final care meeting with all of Jackson's ICU doctors.  She came to the house after she heard he had passed away.  She always told us that in her training she learned that every patient in the ICU needs a pediatrician.  I do not know what we would have done without her to explain procedures and medical terms, be the liaison between us and the medical staff, and just to be supportive of us.  We learned Friday that Jackson was the first patient she has lost.  We had an incredible talk with her after Austin's appointment.  We both really opened up to her about all the emotions we are going through.  I truly believe that God lead us to her knowing that she would be a source of support during this trying time.  We are so blessed to have her in our lives, and I hope others have the same dedication from their children's doctors. 

Austin got to meet my grandmother yesterday!  The pediatrician wanted me to wait until he was a little bit older and had some shots.  My grandmother is 94 and lived alone, at home until a couple of weeks before the babies were born.  She is now in a nursing home and doing really well.  She was so excited when she met Austin.  She wheeled right over to the carrier and started talking to him and introducing herself.  I wish I had brought the video camera.  She kept commenting on how beautiful he was and how pretty his head and ears were!  She was so proud of him and wanted to show him off to all her nurses and caregivers.  I got some great pictures of her holding him. 

We are having some professional pictures made of Austin today. Mom bought him the cutest bubble with trains on it and gown with airplanes on it.  Hope he cooperates.  He is sleeping right now, so I am hoping he will be happy for the session this afternoon!

First Post

I have decided to start a blog for various reasons.  I found it therapeutic to write in the journal on Baby Jackson's Caring Bridge site.  I went back the other night and read through all that Allen and I had written.  I was finally ready to go back and see the ups and downs.  I miss Baby Jackson so much.  Allen and I went to the columbarium to visit his ashes today.  The fresh flowers were still there.  The sweet baby's breath wreath was still on the stone.  It is all still so fresh, so raw to us.  We are dealing with it as best we can.  Today was the first day since the memorial service that I had showered before 5 pm and left the house.  I have been trying to get Austin on more of a schedule and get him to sleep more.  The poor thing has been drug around for the last 6 weeks.  I know it has had an effect on him.  He hasn't been sleeping great during the day or night.  He's been really fussy.  The last two days, we just stayed home and cuddled and spent time together.  I have really missed him over the last 6 weeks.  I did not take the time to really spend good, quality time with him, and for that, I am sad. I am hugging him tighter now and not wanting to put him down (I think he senses that because he won't let us put him down during the day!). 

Austin is doing great though!  I have been taking pictures of him weekly next to this lamb stuffed animal to show how much he has changed.  He is quite the eater!  We can't wait to see how much he weighs tomorrow when we go to the doctor.  The day that Jackson died, we came home, and I held Austin so tight.  Out of nowhere, he looks up at me with his innocent little eyes and really looks at me in the face.  It was as if he was telling me everything was going to be ok.  He had never done that before.  He even smiled at me.  It was as though Jackson was talking to me through his brother, telling me he was ok up in Heaven. 

On the night of Jackson's memorial service, Austin rolled over for the first time!  He was playing on his activity mat on his tummy and rolled over onto his back.  He has done it one other time since then.  I am hoping we will get it on video soon.  He is so sweet right after he eats.  He will look up at me and give me the biggest smiles.  He is such a precious Gift from God, and I can't wait to watch him grow!